Updates, notes on boys, and other facts...

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I laughed out loud at Cam's last post. I'm sorry to say. Then I got worried, and text stalked her, but my phone claimed it was broke.
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My bank claims I'm broke too tho, so I suppose they've got some sort of point.

Anyways, the reason I've ventured out is the sudden need to vent. Again. Plus, heck, it's a fairly anonymous blog, why shouldn't I? Ppl might get some enjoyment from my crazy ass life at this point. Or I'll just sell the soap rights later on...

1) I had a crazy dream about boys, all kinds of em, all muddled up and confused in my head. Unfortunately this included some ppl that got muddled up that should never ever be muddled into that type of situation. Think I may have thrown up in said dream too, so must've been somewhat conscious of the crazyness. Now, that sounds bad, but it's not really. I'm just... Not going into it.

2) Went on a road trip. With a boy. No feelings attached, just friends. Everyone told me I was naive and should be ready for something different. I told them to shut up. ... A week later I told them to shut up again, for very different reasons. We're still friends tho, but god knows what it's with boys and hand holding. Personal space ppl, personal space!

3) A boy made me cry! This is actually shocking and good news, even if there is an odd sort of achy but fluffy feeling somewhere in my chest. It sort of feels a little like my head is spinning, and I sort of loose my breath when I think about it too hard, and it's quite annoying. But anyways- story goes something like this:

Boy and girl meet, bumping into each other with common interests. Girl listens and boy talks, then other way around. Boy walks girl to bus stop, girl misses her bus and ends up talking to boy for an hour and a half...

Boy texts girl and says 'hey, do you want to get coffee someday.' Someday comes around, and boy gives girl a movie. Says 'you've gotta see this.'

The weeks pass, and boy & girl watch movies and eat pizza. He makes food and she buys chocolate, and they giggle at David Lynch. She gets lost in a book shop, and boy finds her there, says it's ok if she wants to stroll around for hours. She does. He does too... Boy kisses girl. Girl blushes, and kisses boy back. Girl doesn't run away, because it feels just comfortably right when he holds her hand.

Weeks keep passing. Boy and girl become good friends. She gets lost on the beach, far off in her head, and he comes out and plays her an album to distract, and then says "I've got all the time in the world, you're telling me what's wrong. I'm not goin anywhere, I'll annoy it outta you if I have to." She does after a lot of annoying. He nods, and listens. Doesn't comment or say 'it'll be ok'. Weeks later he's still asking subtle questions each day to make sure she's okay.

Then girl gets confused. Boy is moving out of the country at a date that was always determined. Another boy asks girl to go have a drink. Upset girl says yes. Upset girl wonders why she can't fall in love with the boy, or have any stormy crushing feelings about him. Upset girl barely remembers to listen to the new boy over drinks. She spends the next day laying in the first boy's arms, and playing tv games. Life feels just right.

Boy says he loves waking up next to girl. Girl wonders what she's doing. Why she misses him, but it's never a desperate ache. Girl meets another boy who whisks up those swirly emotions. Girl feels a rush and tells the original boy she can't go around kissing him anymore. It'll hurt too much when he leaves. He says he misses her.

A week later girl comes back from a road trip. She asks when the original boy is leaving. In two days. She suddenly can't breath.

Boy and girl meet. They eat pizza and watch a movie. Boy kisses girl, and girl blushes and kisses him back. Sweet and sour. Bittersweet farewell. He watches her with deep eyes and a slight smile.

"Here" he says, and gives her a book. She looks at it and realizes it's the one. That book she's been pining for that was just too over priced almost a month ago. Inside a short scribble says it's hers now. Then a poster. That poster she always watched as it hung above his bed. Every night and every morning boy and girl spent together.

Girl hugs him goodbye and wonders what that pounding in her vein is all about. Boy says he's never met anyone like the girl. She intrigued him. He says they'll see each other again. She says definitely, they'll be such good friends. She wonders why she can't believe it. She wonders if he does.

Boy walks away, but he stops at the street corner, looks back at her, she can't stop looking.

Girl cries. Girl is crying a day later. Girl lays down in bed and watches the poster. And the band clings around her wrist.

Thank you for remining me of how hopeful life is, how great friendship can bloom from nowhere and sweep you away. Thank you for reminding me you never know what you've got til it's gone. Thank you for showing me a boy can treat you like his friend and blow your mind away at the same time.

Thank you for caring for me as your friend, not your girl, but kissing me as both. You have no idea what a difference you made, maybe one day you'll know... I'll miss you babe!

xo xo

Peach

PS. I want to remember all the bad times, all the annoying moments, the small things, the big things, the things that hurt the most... But I can't, I doubt I ever will. I'll just miss you with a pleasant buzz that always reminds me of these two plus months... Thank you!

Boys, toys & living the dream

When we're young and innocent, people tell us to think of the future. To imagine what we might want to do as grown ups. We are expected to have dreams, plans, passions... Fairy-tales or darkened realities, they all come down to one thing- a future!

Then time swoops by, and one day you are standing there. The job, the rapidly decreasing bank account, the insurance papers and sickness covers with fine-prints, laundry bags, and evening news... And, of course, a lack of a social life. Until one crashes down, hits you over the head, and leaves you confused, but nonetheless very much alive.

I suppose I ought to explain myself. I was cleaning my room today and realized I had all that. Tomorrow I've gotta pay rent. The insurance policies have been paid (the wonders of direct-debit), and I've got my phone bill covered (although the fact that the earpiece of the phone is broken, and you can't actually hear a thing, well, that's a later problem). And I'm agonizing over things like savings accounts and the economic recession. I even had a vaguely serious discussion about high-schoolers future options in this financial climate.

Oh, and I say words like "...in this financial climate."

When did we grow up? I'm twenty for crying out loud!! But, I must admit, I enjoy ever bit of it, as scary as it sounds.

Then, of course, there are the problems. So many of them, but let's start with the interesting dramatics, the ones entitled 'lies, boys, and lattes'. I walk around wholly aware of people's shady sides. My wedding dream focuses on a secret savings account ready for the divorce, and a solid pre-nup. The idea of long-term commitment frightens me almost as much as I secretly would like to enjoy it. And hearing "I love you" has on previous occassions been greeted with stuttering, "oh...", and my favourite... "Thanks... ehrm...". Me? A bitch? Never *gasps*

Yet, then and again you bump into someone. And they get you all jittery. Every logical sense (as well as your loving caring friends... and all other sane ppl) is telling you to run far and fast, but your heart beats faster and you smile like a fourteen year old school girl with a crush. You flirt, you get flirted with, there are promises, chocolates, cuddles and... truth. Like, he loves you, but loves that bottle as well. Like, on occassion the passion streak turns into violently jelaous temperament. Or, "I... have a girlfriend..." a month or something in.

That is when you pick yourself up, ask what the heck you've been thinking, and realize it still hurts because heaven forbid it you liked the guy. For once. And of course he was a bad boy. Because all those nice boys with manners and safe sides, they don't stir that wild butterfly in the pit of your stomach. Nope... That's the boy with the hidden tattoo, the one who almost went to prison, or the one who just checked out of rehab... or why not the one who stole magazines from seven eleven. If you have a type, you have a type... Even if you really just secretly want a nice fluffy comedian, who will make you cry and laugh and hold you tight whenever you need it (without having been asked). The best friend that loves and is loved...

But for now... Paperwork, rents, laundry, garbadge disposal days (the schedule is on the door), grocery shopping, and the nagging voice that tells you to eat fruit... Oh, and savings accounts. And most importantly, friends and family. Because they're truly un-conditional.

<3 (P.S. Sorry abt the long posts... guess it makes up for the sporadic-ness... and FYI Cam is right about Veronica Mars AND proper pencil sharpeners... and to all the nice boys & girls out there who dare take a chance. You are all very admirable, you really are. Wouldn't want to end this on a gloomy note eh...)

xo Peaches

Peaches updates....

Yes, it is a miracle... Peaches found her way to the computer again.

I must say I am rather impressed by myself. I managed to go without the obbsessive compulsive computer-ness thing for almost two weeks, not even missing it. Oh, and I was exhausted for most of that time too, so that's part of the excuse. Been reading books tho, bunches of em too... so, yay.

Oh, and I was waiting for a buddy at Borders the other day. Which, fyi, I've found out is a BAD idea. Turns out leaving me alone with big 'Sales' sign posters and books ends up with... well, three books for the bookshelf.

What else... Well, I was reading Camilla's last point. About the whole self-image thing. Interesting stuff... Granted, I've gotta tell ya lot she's a beauty and has a super-model's body (everyone secretly hates her for that, haha). More than that she is unique, both in apperance & personality. I honestly think that's one of the more rare things, and she will go far. She's like one of those precious diamonds amidst ashes. You see it, and you just know how amazing it's gonna turn out, and you know you're so lucky to be close enough to see it happen...

And for the record, opposition! What, un-natural stress, constant nausea until it's over, and paranoid ideas gettin stuck in your head. Whoever claimed oppositions on Bachelor essay's were bad for your psyche????! ;)

So what of the new year then? (and why do I always end up writing these long booring posts)?

I'm enrolled in an evening class, yay. Finally did it. Am gonna dare learn how to plug stuff into each other, and hit the light switch... more fun than it sounds really. Was sorta nervous about the ppl, but hey everyone seems cool. Everyone from age 17-105... interesting.

Speaking of which, had Pizza with one of the class boys. Nice dude, real fun to talk to. Course, then mid-way through I catch him looking at me in this deep meaningful way. Course I panic and start babbling on about the relationship between chocolate and crazy people. Good friend material, def...

Then there's the boy dubbed, by Camilla no less, 'coffee boy dude'. Texting is the confusion of the modern world... That's all I'll say. Oh, and the fact that I'm coming off as crazy and obbsesive. Again. Even tho I'm actually quite fed up with the whole 'games' thing... why oh why must things be complicated.

Oh, and then there's the whole economy going down the drain thing. Course, it'll stop at some point, turn around, and head for the better. Doesn't mean we're not all running the 'redundancy' risk at the mo... Whoever knew that word could be such an awfully mass-feared one-man-show sentence. Blah...

AND! My cup cakes tasted funny. the CUP CAKES! I'll just have to stick to making choc-chip then... it's all I know. For real. Sad sad sad...

Oh, and apparently I'm fat. Or so they told me, to my face, which bthw is not doing wonders for the self-esteem. And I always considered myself quite sure on that side. But you get it in your head, and you hate it but it festers and you start thinking... glancing at the scale. realizing you're riddiculously under-weight, but thinking... why are my cheeks so big?????!

Stupid stupid obbsession... Oh, and I miss Camilla. thankfully I'll see her at the end of the month, salvage SOME sanity.

Love to ya'll...

Troublemaker... and cold spots

Peaches here...

I just got cut off early in my daily phone shop time with Camilla :(... Just to clarify, I quite miss her.

So the day then? Well, as you might have heard the years are swooshing by and now this big circle of friends have become classified as official adults... Okay, sure, that's wishful thinking, it happened a couple of years ago. One of those dear friends hit the twenty-five mark almost a year ago (so I could have just said is almost reaching twenty-six, but hey that'd have been too mathematical for me), and I just spent some well needed phone time with her. Turns out a lot has changed in the months Peaches here has been attempting to be doing 'big changing things' a couple of countries away.

See, she is thinking about marriage. You know, wedding bands and dresses and cards... And of course, most importantly (to some ppl), the other person... Sometimes I can't help but wonder if this is a topic the boys simply do not think about all that much. There must be a reason it comes up in so many conversations between girls! Apart from the fact that we are culturally imprinted to be whiny/lacking in self-esteem/boob-and-wrinkles paranoid. Anyways, not the point.

This whole marriage thing. They are complete opposites, and they have had ups and downs that have landed tears and laughter within minutes of each other. I have called him a looser (which I will not include in my wedding toast) and she has called him... many things. Including safe. And a boy. Because at the end of the day, she wants a boy. The security of someone who wants you. Plus a career.

Don't get me wrong, these are all good things. If it's real, bloody 'ell I hope I have grown enough to know to hold onto that if it does swing by my life.... It makes me start to wonder though, what will I tell her when we're on the phone and she is crying again. Will I even be the one she calls, or will I have moved so far away that I remember our fights better than our friendship?

Sorry, a bit too serious a posting... I will lighten it up by sharing with ya'll that I today made a very important conclusion with regards to cold, food, tea bags, and winter jackets. If you are shaking and forget your name while answering the phone (at work), and your solution is to work steam therapy with your throat and the tea-pot, you may feel a slight bit of nausea that will result in a lack of lunch and sitting huddled in a corner wearing a winter jacket while humming songs in foreign languages... (still at work)

I am off to take a shower now... Just, you know, keeping you informed.

Stay safe out there...
....Peaches


Why is it we never settle for the simple things, before it's too late...